


Who I Am

by fobfantasia



Series: closet boy [2]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Haircuts, Other, Transgender Character(s), also Gee Way because adopt me, gender gender gender, transboy!tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 03:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4590927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fobfantasia/pseuds/fobfantasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn't a She, was She?</p><p>aka, Tyler figures out his gender identity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who I Am

**Author's Note:**

> This is an origin fic for the first part of this new series I'm doing I'm sorry if it ends up bad it's basically me ranting this is literally 99% personal experience leave me alone this is the only thing I know how to do

She was looking through old photos and smiled at Herself in the old-style fashion. That blue was definitely Her color, and She'd have to get more clothes in that tone.

 

She noticed how short Her hair was at one point, poofy in the summer humidity. It was at Her ears, in the style of a very short bob. She pointed to it, showing Her mom.

 

 

"Mom, do you think I could get this hair style again? I looked really good!"

 

Her mom smiled fondly and the young Her, posing next to Goofy in Disney World. "If you want, but not that short. You have beautiful hair, don't waste it," she touched her own hair, and She smiled to Herself.

 

~

 

"So that's what transgender means?" she asked, slightly dazed. How could someone born with a certain set of genitals view themselves as the opposite sex?

 

Gerard shrugged. "Pretty much. I'm fine with He/Him, but They/Them from now on, okay?"

 

"I'll try, but I'm gonna mess up your pronouns for a while, man," Mark laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. She nodded, still slightly confused; She couldn't grasp the idea. Of course She'd respect Gerard's choice of pronouns, but how could you see yourself like that? That would make the person an emotional wreck, and She didn't need that in Her life. She was already unstable as is.

 

~

 

She was on Her way to get that haircut, excited to finally get rid of Her present hairdo. She was going to look so much like a more mature version of how She used to be. 

 

Afterwards, She wouldn't stop talking pictures and sending them to Her friends, getting showers of compliments. She stared in the mirror, toying with it and smiling vaguely. She felt freer in a way that she couldn't explain, and she loved it.

 

She went to Her mom's room, nervous to what she would say. As soon as She opened the door and Her mother looked up, she was shaking her head. "It's too short. It doesn't look pretty."

 

The sentence struck a cord, because She thought She looked fantastic, and She was, for once in Her life, confident.

 

 

She closed the door and went back into Her room, and thought about Gerard's parents' reaction when he started dressing feminine. It wasn't the same case, him being non-binary and all, right?

 

~

 

She woke up from a dream She couldn't remember, Her heart racing and vision blurry.

 

"Yo, sis, we gotta head out soon," Zack peeked into Her room, still in his pajamas. She remembered, they had to drive out of town to see relatives. She cringed at the pronouns She was using in Her brain, not stopping to think about why.

 

She got up and got ready, getting in the car and sat in one of the furthest backseats. She put on Her music and looked out the window, pushing the pronoun problem away for a while.

 

Barely ten minutes into the road trip passed, and a song came onto Her iPod, catching Her attention. It was from an album She downloaded that had two songs She liked, and figured, why not just get the whole thing? (If She didn't like it, She'd just delete it. It was off of an app anyway.)

 

The lyrics said something about going from child to man, and back to a child, and a boy never getting older. She put it on repeat, somehow getting some deeper feel to the song.

 

A memory snapped in her head, the one of Gerard explaining what non-binary meant. He said he was not all the gender he was assigned, boy nor girl, (genderfluid, was it?) and She googled it.

 

She spent half an hour on a gender identity wiki to finally settle on They/Them for a while. They knew They weren't full-on girl somehow, and They thought of how They wore Zack's clothes and felt so great, and how terrible They felt in dresses and skirts.

 

They thought "genderfluid" wasn't a bad title, after all.

 

~

 

They spent the next couple of weeks calling Themselves Him, because according to the genderfluid definition, there were an array of pronouns able to be used and He/Him just felt more comfortable. They sat in His brain, feeling strangely lighter.

 

He told Gerard and Mark to refer to Him as They/Them, since He didn't know when His pronouns could change.

 

He tried to fold up a tank top to make a binder, just to see how it looked. He had never smiled so wide. He felt like He fit Himself so well, He kept it on to go out with His family and pinned His hair back so it looked even shorter. He looked like he was born a boy, and He loved it.

 

~

 

He wondered, since He's been He/Him for so long, would He be that forever? It felt so much better than They/Them or She/Her (the latter being unbearable to hear lately), so was He full-on boy?

 

He didn't feel that little bit of girl in Him anymore, almost like He was forcing it. If He was gonna stick to He, He needed a male name. He decided to ask His parents.

 

"Hey, Mom? If I were to be born a boy, what would you call me?"

 

His mom looked up from her book and said, "I liked Tyler. But it's nice to have two boys and two girls."

 

He flinched when He was called a girl, but nodded and walked away, repeating the name and tasting it in His mouth. Tyler seemed like a nice name. He went to His father, asking the same question, to be answered as Robert.

 

He looked in the mirror and spoke, "Tyler Robert Joseph." He broke into a wide smile, not even caring how others would react to being called a different name.

 

He loved Tyler Joseph, a name to fit him, he was now Tyler, no longer just He/Him, but with a name and all.

**Author's Note:**

> changed the person who had my name to gerard because then i didn't know he was nonbinary 
> 
> shoutout to my peeps Jazz and Leo for being in place of Gerard and Mark here even though only one of them will see this


End file.
